Some Not-Terribly-Good Music In-Jokes

A lot of people aren't going to get some of these....

This totally made me laugh:
These could be said about various instruments, just like Irish jokes can be made about any nationality.
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.
How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.
How was the canon invented?
Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.
Why is a viola solo like a bomb?
By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.
Oboe jokes:
How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.
What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A bad oboist can kill you.
Random other ones:
There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo, unless of course it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner.
What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
"Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"
What do you call ten accordians at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.
What do you get when you put a diminished chord together with an augmented chord?
A demented chord.
A few definitions:
crescendo: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.
beat: what music students do to each other with their instruments. The down beat is performed on top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.
cadence: when everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't.
transposition: the act of moving the relative pitch of a piece of music that is too low for the basses to a point where it is too high for the sopranos.
ad libitum: a premiere.
diatonic: low-calorie Schweppes.
and the best one...
metronome: a city-dwelling dwarf.

Jokes are from these pages:
Viola
Varied

Comments

Tiff said…
haha, my sister plays the viola, so i'm all too familiar with these viola jibes and digs, so is she. funny stuff. esp like the couple of bars at the top in 4/4 with question marks for notes! haha, dear old viola
Tuesday, 27 March, 2007
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